According to reports received Tuesday morning, friends, family, and coworkers alike collectively reached the conclusion that Amy Duncan’s new, fluorescent orange cast “just isn’t as badass” as it otherwise would be on a 10-year-old.
Amy Duncan, teacher at Northdale Preparatory and winner of the staff’s “Neediest Tryhard” superlative, was determined by doctors to have fractured her right arm’s humerus bone following an accident at Boyne Mountain Ski Resort. Amy alleged that she would not have fallen, “If someone in [her] family had just come with [her] like [she] asked.”
After spending two nights in Charlevoix Area Hospital, Duncan arrived back to her family
cabin for a final night at the resort. Amy noted that her husband, Robert Duncan, was “nice enough” to order her an Uber home from the ICU, but also that her sons “didn’t really offer any sympathy” towards her broken state. “They just said that my injury was really ‘humerous,’” reported Duncan.
Upon returning to work the next week, witnesses noted that none of the children in Duncan’s 4th-grade class acknowledged her cast. However, dozens of children reportedly flocked to 10-year-old George Richlan in pursuit of signing his new ankle brace, even though “it was only a sprain.”
Duncan expressed surprise at the lack of encouragement from those around her. “Well, I thought at least SOME people around me might care that I was previously wounded, but whatever. It’s fine.”
At press time, Duncan was seen scrawling other people’s names in Sharpie onto her cast.