Area Criminal Arrested In The
Sense Of Being Taken Aback

Payne was reportedly charged after accidentally touching an electrical outlet.

Local convicted felon Andy Payne has been arrested in Chelsea, in the sense of being in a temporary state of stupefaction or incredulity.

Many of Payne’s assets have been seized, following his temporary state of shock, in order that he not lose his balance and remain standing steadily.

Washtenaw County police report that Payne’s arrest had been a long time coming, noting that it was not merely a moment of surprise, pique of interest, instance of shock or outrage, nor the inducement of a merely temporary or partial speechlessness, but an aptly-named state of arrest, complete with a loss of words, rigid body posture, and look of uncomprehending disbelief. They were careful to note, though, that the arrest was neither full-on catatonia nor oblivion.  

Reports say that the shock was likely due to his detention for his crimes.

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