Drunk College Student Tries to Buy Textbook, Accidentally Gets Arc of the Covenant

Another student was reportedly confused after purchasing what he believed to be a Rosetta Stone subscription and instead receiving the actual Rosetta Stone.

A local University of Michigan student unintentionally bought the sacred container–believed to have housed the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God–when trying to purchase James Stewart’s Multivariable Calculus (9th edition). 

Philip McIntosh, a University senior, stumbled into the holy item clicking around Amazon “with Dionysian recklessness” when purchasing other textbooks. At $55 pre-shipping, it cost him slightly less than his other books, of which he buys physical copies because his computer “distracts him.” 

McIntosh suspects that the confusion was due to his preference for purchasing used textbooks. “Normally I don’t mind getting a used book to save a few bucks. I thought the ‘Biblically Ancient’ label was just another word for the condition, like ‘fair’ or ‘poor’. I didn’t realized it predated the New Testament.” 

Known to instantly kill any person to touch it directly, the Covenant was set carefully in the corner of McIntosh’s room, next to a plugged-in scented wax melter. 

“The whole experience has really taught me that, when drunkenly buying textbooks online, I need to make sure that I’m not instead accidentally acquiring sacred religious artifacts of invaluable worth and mythic proportion,” McIntosh said. “I think I trust myself now, but you never know. It could happen again.” 

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