This past Wednesday, LSA senior Kiara Morris reported concerns about intruders after her Ann Arbor home fell victim to what is infamously known as a “serial toilet-clogging attack.”
Morris first noticed the issue when using the first floor bathroom of her house. She called an emergency house meeting after discovering the toilet was clogged. Despite a “promising number” of suspects, including her roommate with IBS, no confessions were made.
The roommates concluded their house had been broken into. The “Feces Fugitive,” as dubbed by students, tends to strike hours after tenants complain of severe stomach aches, determined by data analysis of group chat requests for Pepto Bismol. According to sources, the “Feces Fugitive” has an “uncanny ability to choose the bathroom without a plunger.”
The main source of confusion is exactly how the “Feces Fugitive” is breaking in. With most bathrooms having limited entry points, the intruder would feasibly have difficulty going unnoticed.
“I don’t want to call my roommates liars,” said Morris’ roommate Michael Fitzgerald. “But I will be setting a trap on YikYak tonight to see if they confess.”
At press time, the roommates were drawing straws to see who would have to plunge the toilet.