A new report from the University of Chicago revealed that the popular dating application Hinge, whose tagline is “the app that’s designed to be deleted,” has been advertised as such due to the app being “chock-full of uggos.”
“We just want people to find the one that makes them delete dating apps forever,” commented CEO Justin McLeod. “Until now, people have assumed that means finding ‘the one’ you’ll settle down with for life, but really, we meant swiping until you throw your phone in terror after seeing an absolute troglodyte.”
Though the findings of the study came as a shock to nearly nobody in the general public, McLeod did cite concerns over how the app’s “losers,” aka lovable users, would react. Later reports confirmed he seemed to underestimate the uggos who wholeheartedly understood.
“Hinge is awesome, because not only do I get to see pictures of all the twos-through-fives in my area,” reported local user Lucas Upton, “but the cute prompts also give me a glimpse into their lack of personalities.”
Fellow user Belle Schiller reported that the app’s “complete lack of hotties with bodies” was actually shaping up to be a good thing.
“After hours of bad selfie after bad selfie, I deleted the app and decided to put that time into applying for PhD programs,” Schiller asserted. “Thank God no one was attractive, otherwise I might not be getting my
doctorate!”
At press time, eighty-six percent of Hinge’s users were seen going back to their exes after declaring “they can’t be worse than these fuglies.”
