Family Feud Producers Didn’t Ask 100 Married Women Jack Shit

A capture from an episode of "Family Feud."
Steve Harvey stood mouth agape following one contestant’s response to “a woman’s favorite thing in her bedside table.”

A whistleblower at the Game Show Network has revealed shocking new information leading to concerns about the integrity of the surveys used on the classic game show Family Feud. “Do you really think anyone’s out there asking 100 married women to ‘Name something [they] use their tongue for?’”

According to the whistleblower, it appears that host Steve Harvey comes up with all 100 responses himself. In fact, Harvey has reportedly claimed, “No one understands married women like I do.” He continued by adding, “if you ask them ‘what that tongue do,’ obviously they gone say it ‘licks some ice cream.’”

“It’s been 100% scripted since the glory days of smoochin’ Richard Dawson,” says the whistleblower. “Why else would everyone clap and say ‘Good answer’ after someone says ‘Myself’ for ‘Name something you like to touch?’”

Professionals from the American Association for Public Opinion Research have voiced their dissent for years, even before news of the fraud broke. “The survey methodology employed by Family Feud is an insult to our entire community,” read the last issue of their peer-reviewed journal. “First of all, 100 respondents wouldn’t be nearly enough to have statistically significant results. Not to mention, the questions are littered with sampling bias: ‘We asked 100 math teachers to name their favorite school subject … are you shitting me?”

At press time, the whistleblower has chosen to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation from Harvey. “Don’t be fooled by the fake white smile and mustache,” the whistleblower said. This goes so much deeper than you could ever imagine. Have you ever thought about why there’s always one Black family and one White family? Survey says something’s fishy.”

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