According to sources, LSA senior Jeremy Suarez plans to graduate with both a history degree and “an immense remorse over missed opportunities” this April.
Suarez, who spent the past four years “engrossed in transnational and comparative histories,” now finds himself disconnected from the college experiences of his classmates. “While I was studying mid-16th century sea bass markets, my peers were having a blast of a college experience.”
Now at the end of his undergraduate career, Suarez is reconsidering his decision to learn from the past.
“I should’ve studied something urgent and in vogue, like climate change,” lamented Suarez while hastily texting friends, requesting to “do something spontaneous”.
Suarez’s roommate Claudia Vance commented that Suarez is often unable to relate when she rehashes impromptu experiences, saying “when I say remember when, he can only think of ‘remember the Alamo.’”
At press time, Suarez considered getting a Masters in Future Studies in order to get ahead of the game.