House Party Kinda Ruined By Loud Music, Alcohol, People 

Students partying outside of a house.
“It would’ve been a lot nicer if I could hear what people were saying,” reported attendees.

Multiple guests at Dave Rinke’s house party last Friday have claimed that the rampant alcohol, smoking, grinding, and music “kinda ruined it.” 

The party, thrown in celebration of Rinke getting into grad school, was reportedly shut down by police after two hours. Guests were reportedly “relieved.” 

“I couldn’t hear a thing,” claimed partygoer Natasha Collins. “I just had such a terrible time navigating all the drunk people and stoners, it was the worst party I’ve ever gone to. I was looking for maybe a bowl of pretzels, but they didn’t even have that.” 

“Why didn’t he hire a clown or a musician? There wasn’t even a cake!” reports Rinke’s boyfriend, Gregory. “There wasn’t a balloon in sight— what a shitty party.” 

Witnesses claim that the only game offered at the party was stackcup, “when pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey would have been much more fun, and a lot more safe.” 

Rinke’s roommates were seen angrily cleaning up the mess left afterwards, saying “why would you ever need so many red solo cups? That’s so bad for the environment!” 

The next day, Rinke was seen attempting to turn his upcoming graduation “into a whole thing.” 

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