Student Realizes Shorts They’ve Kept All Year Won’t Be Worn In April

Bensen was later seen returning a hammock to Dick’s Sporting Goods that she never got to sit in.

Freshman Anna Bensen has finally accepted that the shorts she’s kept since August will never see the mild April sun.


Bensen has allegedly been keeping her entire summer wardrobe shoved in one drawer since October. The out-of-state student claims to have been keeping them “for when it warms up,” although the temperature has yet to go over fifty degrees.


The situation was first pointed out by Bensen’s roommate, Sandra Finn, who had many reports of Anna’s
“strange” collection. “She brought five clubbing dresses that she has yet to ever wear out, even though they take up half of her closet,” said Finn. Bensen claimed to have them for “when her situationship finally asks her out.” but Finn reported that he’s been ghosting her for the past month.


Bensen was apparently “nervous” about moving into Michigan weather, but “not scared enough” to bring more than one long sleeve shirt. Instead, she prepared by bringing only suede and open-toed shoes.“For someone who brought so many casual tops, she only wears the same nasty sweatsuit everyday,” reported the flannel that Bensen brought the first week and has never worn.


At press time, Bensen was seen repacking a swimsuit that she initially planned to wear in the Huron River.

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