U-M Geology Department Offered 60% Salary Increase By University

When asked how they felt about the increase, the department was on record saying it “rocked.”

Following a contentious period of negotiations with GEO, University officials have announced that an agreement has been reached, and that “faculty of the U-M Geology Department will receive 60% salary increases.”

“We’re pretty sure this is a mistake,” explained U-M Geology Department Head Peter Steinmann, “but nobody wants to fund geology anyway, so everyone in the department has agreed not to make a fuss over the mix-up and to hope that they won’t notice.”

The official announcement stated that the University “recognizes and appreciates the labor and skills demanded from [their] geologists, and will update its employment policies in an effort towards fairer compensation and acknowledgment of [their] dependence on their considerable mineral-related talents.”

Several members of Ann Arbor construction crews have voiced their support for the change, having just unionized themselves in the past year. Peter Steinmann, a local concrete specialist, explained, “As someone who works with earthen materials myself, I know that labor activism involves getting your hands dirty.”

Support for the announcement has also been widespread among U-M students and staff. According to faculty sponsor of the U-M Rock Collecting Club Peter Steinmann, “It’s really refreshing to see the University starting to show appreciation for geology and rocks in general.”

Final reports have also revealed that University officials are planning to commemorate the agreement with the installation of a 20-foot-tall granite boulder in the center of the Diag.

Related News