Sources report local K-9 unit hero dog, Duke, is under internal investigation for planting evidence in over a dozen cases. The Department of Justice plans to bring forth 17 cases of fraud, 19 cases of perjury, and 1 case of being a bad dog, a really bad dog.
Internal documents show that Duke repeatedly broke routine protocols. These accusations include failing to complete psychological evaluations, failing to pass de-escalation tests, and failing to sit-stay- roll over. Despite this, Duke has received 15 keys to the city.
Key witness Daniel Brule, recalls the events that lead to the investigation: “I was walking back from the deli with a bunch of cured meats and dog treats, next thing I know my face is in the mud, Officer Duke is on my back, and 25 kilos of Colombian cocaine are found in my pants.”
In response to the allocations, a local pitbull has come forth to corroborate Brule’s story. The pitbull had been previously convicted by Duke for two accounts of Possession with Intent to Sell laced heartworm medication. Meanwhile, other community members voice their opposition to the charges.
“He did nothing wrong!” said Republican City Council member, Susan Miller. “I stand with our boys in blue, and I do a kinda crouch-sit with our dogs in blue. Duke is a hero. I won’t let the woke liberals sully his name. That is why I voted to increase his paid leave and let him take home a standard issue police pistol.”
At press time, Duke remains on paid leave in the comfort of his dog house. However, insiders speculate the DA plans to push for the maximum penalty: rubbing Duke’s face in the drugs while saying “bad Duke, this is a no no.”
