On Saturday night, local student Bridget Morrison was seen eating shit a record-breaking ten times in an hour at her best friend’s birthday party before being escorted out by club security. This incredibly embarrassing move was quickly glossed over by Bridget the next morning when she waved her hand and announced that all of it was “just for the bit.”
“The bit,” which Bridget has been committed to for a little over a year, remains vague to her friends.
“To be honest I’m not really sure what ‘the bit’ is,” admitted Bridget’s best friend and roommate, Anna Kelsey, “it’s like everything she does I guess. But also, she can’t be held responsible for any of it because it isn’t real. Honestly, I’ve lived with her for two years and I can’t confidently say I know anything about her.”
In addition to drunk falling everywhere, the bit reportedly also includes throwing up in the shower, spilling hot coffee all over herself and her computer, not doing her EECS 280 assignments, getting dumped via snap, and bleaching her eyebrows.
“No one is more committed to the bit than I am,” Bridget bragged while sporting a leopard print tracksuit that was, according to her, a quintessential part of the bit. “It’s actually the longest relationship I’ve ever had.”
At press time, Bridget was trying to get off of a shoplifting charge by claiming that it was all for the bit.
