New Jersey Foxtree Golf Club has recently been the subject of a “woke controversy” after removing a clause in their constitution that previously encouraged members to “unjustly yell at employees for inconveniences.”
“As a distinguished member of the club, I should be allowed to do or say whatever I want. It’s my right,” said longtime member Stuart Ross, who is among those dissatisfied with the recent developments. “Also, while we’re talking about it, I’ve heard that some of the club’s employees are making upwards of $10 an hour. That’s an ungodly amount of money for these people to be making. They will never learn the true value of hard work.”
“The golf course was one of my only outlets to release pent up dissatisfaction with my wife,” continued Ross. “I’ve been at this club for 50 years and what I’m seeing with this recent move is a disgrace. What is happening with our country?!”
“It really just shows how soft everybody is getting these days,” said Cheryl Miller, another longtime member. “We give a lot of money to the club, so we definitely deserve to be able to voice our opinions if things are not going exactly how we want them to.”
In response, club spokesperson Tim Jefferson delivered a statement in response to the outcry. “I guess our employees were mad, so we had to do something. If I’m being honest, our adjustment to the clause probably shouldn’t change anything in practice.”
At press time, Ross struggled to refrain from blaming his awful round of golf on the “lady who served [him] a bad cup of coffee” in the clubhouse.