Rick’s Not Accepting Fakes, Inauthentic, Disingenuous People

Bouncer denying man entry into club
Bartenders at Rick’s were seen “cutting off” patrons in order to set healthy boundaries in their relationships.

According to sources on the scene last Saturday, Rick’s American Café was not accepting any “fakes,” henceforth banning any disingenuous people from entering the establishment.

“It’s really sad. A lot of my friends just won’t be able to get in,” asserted Riley Weal. “They’re so fake.”

Upon one look, Weal’s friends were turned away for their inauthentic essences. “I heard if you had a really convincing one, you might have a chance of getting in,” Weal said, aghast. “But none of my friends are really that real. Not even one.”

The announcement prompted other bars and local joints in the area to follow suit. Sources confirmed Scorekeepers Bar and Grill is considering installation plans this summer for a “Scorekeeper Machine” to “rate the realness” of all who wish to enter the premises.

“We will bar and grill the fuck out of anybody who is acting fake, phony, or just plain untrue to themselves,” said Skeeps owner Jason Mayfield.

At press time, Mayfield ordered the Skeeps DJ to queue “Got to Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn and “any song by Ginuwine.”

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