Area History student Pauline Pearson was disappointed to learn that her least favorite GSI, Emmanuel Manson, was planning to hold class on Friday regardless of the GEO strike. “I fucking dread that class,” reported Pearson. “When I found out...
DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a real interview. Santa Ono REFUSED to sit down and have an interview with us! So instead, using sophisticated, highly developed satirical software, we have determined with 99% confidence that these are the answers he would...
On Tuesday, LSA sophomore Alexis McArthur was stunned after learning that Ross junior James Lewis, the guy she has been in a “six-month exclusive situationship” with, is actually her boyfriend. “I don’t understand,” McArthur...
This past Wednesday, LSA senior Kiara Morris reported concerns about intruders after her Ann Arbor home fell victim to what is infamously known as a “serial toilet-clogging attack.” Morris first noticed the issue when using the first floor...
After successfully completing English 125 with a B+, intended English major Dan Lovell has uninstalled the Grammarly extension from his MacBook Air. Lovell claimed that the online writing assistant is “clearly not advanced enough for...
A recent document from the City Planning Commission of Ann Arbor has revealed plans to turn the city’s bike lanes into long, booby-trapped trenches. In past years, Ann Arbor residents have raised concerns over what many say are “glaring...
Reports are indicating that the university has canceled construction of the North Campus School of Information on the grounds that “all the information has been learned.” The announcement has been met with a mixed reaction from students and...