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A woman laying down on a couch.

Friend Of Victim Assumed They Were “ Taking A Midday Jeans Nap”

After the death of sophomore Saige Mickles last Friday, police turned to question the victim’s friends and family, one of whom was LSA junior Olivia Rickman, who believed Mickles was taking a “midday jeans nap.” “It’s when you come...

  • Dec 18, 2022
A screenshot of the LSA course guide page for Drawing for Sellouts.

Stamps To Rename “Drawing For Non-Majors” To “Drawing For Sellouts”

Faculty at the Stamps School of Art and Design have announced their executive decision to rename their popular “For Non-Majors” classes to “For Sellouts.” According to their statement, “ARTDES 170-176, which includes ‘Drawing for...

  • Dec 18, 2022
a yikyak screenshot reading "yo, anyone else's dick smell weird?"

Michigan Medicine Begins Fielding Surveys Via Yik Yak

In response to privacy concerns with the University’s survey software, Qualtrics, Michigan Medicine has decided it would be “in the best interests of its patients to begin conducting studies via the pioneering survey research platform Yik...

  • Dec 18, 2022

Crime Report: LSA Freshman Jeremy Smith Just Drank “Like, Two Beers”

Authorities reported Friday that LSA freshman Jeremy Smith consumed upwards of two beers around 10:30 pm in his Markley dorm room. Smith has a history of menacing behavior, according to witnesses it could range from Snapchatting his ex-girlfriend...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Egyptology Department Sued For Operating Pyramid Scheme

Internal Revenue Services raided the University of Michigan’s Egyptology department last Thursday. According to the IRS, the warrant was provided based on suspicion that these degrees served as a pyramid scheme. Egyptologists were last seen...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Planet Blue Ambassadors File Civil Suit Against UM Groove, Citing Concerns Over “Trash Music”

Last Tuesday, Michigan’s Planet Blue Ambassadors filed a civil suit in hopes of putting an end to UM Groove’s “trash music.” Planet Blue Director Ozzy Waters added that “if they sounded better, we’d be more likely to look the other...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Area Bartender Charged With Homicide, Arson After Serving Molotov Cocktail

A confused bartender faces homicide and arson charges after serving glass bottles of kerosene with flaming napkin garnishes. He later admitted to police that he made several jagerbombs throughout the night. This comes after Diesel was kicked out of...

  • Dec 16, 2022
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