Sources in Hollywood report that the based-on-real-events movie, “East Palestine Train,” set to release in 2024 has cast children’s show star Thomas the Tank Engine. The expected blockbuster is currently in pre-production under the...
Vera Bradley’s newest pattern has received an onslaught of publicity for its unintentionally phallic nature. The print, “Palm Tree Paradise,” first gained recognition after sixth-grade teacher Benjamin Lowe noticed an “abnormal” amount of...
Area grandmother Patty Fritz was said by family to be “at peace” following the news of formerPresident Jimmy Carter’s admittance into hospice care. Saying that though she “ President Carter an easy passing,” her son, David Fritz,...
Area tween Michael Dunn was seen by observers with a “huge grin on his face” after learning about legendary actor Dick Van Dyke. Dunn’s social studies teacher, Carrie Barker, had decided to turn the classic film “Mary Poppins” on for her...
Recent polls indicate that Ann Arbor pedestrians are in unanimous agreement that Jake Kelleher, a Ross sophomore, looked “really fucking dumb” after slipping and falling on ice in the Diag. “I don’t think anyone saw me slip,” Kelleher...
In a press conference at Amazon headquarters, Executive Chairman Jeff Bezos announced the company’s newest technological investment, “Prime Steps™.” “‘Prime Steps™’ connects consumers in need of transportation services...
According to recent reports, area teen Ihab Salah is reportedly “totally pissing off parents” by being “completely earnest and communicative in all relationships” and “making the most of every day.” When Salah turned sixteen,...