After a whirlwind investigation, passengers in a Honda Civic recently confirmed that the observed spider on the car’s windshield was “thankfully” on the outside.  “I was freaking out real bad, almost crashed the car,” said Austin...

Local sources confirm that the waitress at T.G.I. Friday’s last weekend who brought you your free birthday dessert after hearing tell of your special day “knew damn well it wasn’t your birthday.” “Yeah, that guy was totally full of...

In a series of tweets last Thursday, conservative talking head and known bed-wetter Charlie Kirk defended his positions on free speech, diversity of opinion, and the importance they hold in a democracy. The Turning Point USA founder and infamous...

Local fast-food employee Meghan Hadfield was reportedly “super stoked” when a morning-rush customer said that they were going to order something off the secret menu. “Yeah, I can’t wait to make your Pink Starburst Smoothie,” said Hadfield....

Weightlifting fanatics around the country were “shocked” last Tuesday to see how “buff ” shoplifter Grace Mandy was after lifting a Costco. One spectator, Charles Haner, reports, “I mean, I knew she had to be totally jacked to be lifting...

Junior Madison Berry is reporting that the mold growing in her bathroom is “probably green for Saint Patrick’s Day.” After discovering the emerald green fungi in her shower, Berry reportedly chose to see the mold as a sign of the season...

Reports are coming in that Panera employees specifically save the end of their baguettes for customers that they “truly, deeply, personally hate.” Though Panera is known for serving pieces of fresh bread with every meal, customers have described...