Okay, okay, I know what it looks like. You know who my grandpa was, and you see what I’m doing, and I get it, it looks like I have some special privilege. But I swear, I’m different! I worked hard for these. I still had to work just as hard as...

Some people say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and those people don’t know what the hell they are talking about. I’ve been around for nearly a century, and I’ve seen a thing or two, but I have never seen a balding person that tickles my...

Mom, we’ve talked about this! I’m done sitting at the kids’ table! Look at Uncle Ron’s new stepdaughter Lucy, Mom. She’s just sitting there, picking her nose. And her brother, Paul? Don’t even get me started on Paul. He’s obsessed with...

I’ve been told so many times to blow leaves, but literally nobody has told me where to blow them. Like, blowing them doesn’t get rid of them. My breath isn’t magic, you sickos. Is it a kinky thing? Do you want me to blow them all sexily?...

Thanksgiving is the time of year where families gather around and share a meal together. But if you’re anything like me, the classic Thanksgiving meals just don’t align with the personal health goals I strive to attain. Instead, here are some...

Let’s face it besties, the Bible is outdated and filled with antiquated nonsense. “Love thy neighbor?” A man feeding a bunch of poor people? “Thou shalt not kill?” Boring and unrealistic. You’re telling me we get a new Batman every three...

Oh, you like it? Thank you! It’s a family recipe. A really old one, actually. Goes back millions of years, probably way before the concept of recipes even existed. Tens of thousands of pairs of genes, each paired and entwined every subsequent...