Heyyyy. I absolutely love your Pitbull costume. No, for real, it’s so funny. He’s, like, bald and stuff. And wears sunglasses. You totally look like him in that bald cap and those sunglasses you got from 7/11 or something. Honestly, how did you...
Hi, I’m Jake, I sit by you in Calc? Nice to meet you! Haha, class was crazy today right? Gotta love derivatives. So, what are you majoring in? English? Oh, that’s so different! Yeah, I’m a STEM major myself. You know, Michigan wasn’t really...
Huh. You’re asking me if your tendency to black out every time you drink is indicative of a deeper emotional issue? You know what? I think that sounds like a really good question for your therapist. Her name is Cynthia, right? Yeah, I think you...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you’re doing? Do you have any idea who I am? Look at my face. Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Guys, keep recording this. Someone hold my Roly. You’re making a big mistake here, buddy. All these...
Hey guys, you just made me remember the best story I have. So it was winter of ‘96, and my friend John and I were on a plane heading over to France on vacation, when this guy who was smoking… No, no, no. Wait, hear me out. You have to...
Listen, I get it. Hey, I’m the first one to admit I speak from a place of privilege as a heterosexual, cisgender, Caucasian male. But, trust me, I’m one of the good guys. That’s right. Now, just hear me out. Ethical nonmonogamy has gotten a...
Okay, so check this out. I was in Best Buy last week, and there was this 50” Plasma screen. I got so frickin excited. Like, how lucky is that? Did nobody else see it there? Anyway, check it out, 50 inches of beautiful plasma perfection. This is...