Alright, listen up. This. This doesn’t happen every day. We may be young. And they may think they can control us, keep us down. But they don’t know how strong we are when we stand together. With all of our voices, we can tell the people getting...

Hey guys, this is going to sound a little weird, but hear me out. I bet Satan is actually a really cool guy. He only gets a bad rep because people blame him for everything they don’t like. That’s all just a big misunderstanding — he’s just...

Well, it’s all come down to this. It’s my own damn fault, and I know it. I got myself into this sticky situation, and I thought I could play it by ear, but I couldn’t. Here I am, in the depths of this dark canal, and I can’t turn back....

Well, you have me stumped. You are definitely the most messed-up patient I have, just looking at sheer quantity of problems. I’m fresh out of ideas. Let’s see, um, maybe you should get a cat. Yeah, that should do it. I’m looking at my list of...

Well, let’s see here. This is a toughie. You’ve really gotten yourself into a pickle here, huh? On one hand, this option means you take 25 credits this semester and probably lose touch with all of your loved ones in the process. On the other...

Listen, man, have you seen that one Eric Andre bit where he puts on, like, a dog cone and goes on the subway and starts yelling at everyone? Then he pours milk and cereal in the cone and makes a huge mess? That shit was so funny that I tried it the...

Uh-oh, looks like someone drank too many whiskey drinks tonight! Finally, I have reached the proper pH for my escape! I’m hurtling up your esophagus towards the light at the end of the tunnel, towards sweet freedom, towar– oh! You swallowed...