Lucy Sohr

Addressing Your Allegations
By
Lucy Sohr

During my time on this paper, lots of information has been spread about my actions/decisions as an editor and about my character overall. I would like to use my senior farewell to address these allegations and set the record straight. First and...

Redacted

[Redacted]
By
Michael Lovegrove

 COVID vaccine  5G real and verifiable  top secret government mind control.  Space lasers proven to be effective  forest fires.  Congress is a front  lizard people run the government.   Jet fuel can’t  just kidding. Or am I?  Every...

This Is Our Time!
By
A Teenager In A Generic Coming-Of-Age Movie

Alright, listen up. This. This doesn’t happen every day. We may be young. And they may think they can control us, keep us down. But they don’t know how strong we are when we stand together. With all of our voices, we can tell the people getting...

Satan Was Misunderstood And Is Actually A Really Cool Guy
By
The Devil’s Advocate

Hey guys, this is going to sound a little weird, but hear me out. I bet Satan is actually a really cool guy. He only gets a bad rep because people blame him for everything they don’t like. That’s all just a big misunderstanding — he’s just...

I’m In Too Deep To Get Out Now
By
A Q-Tip

Well, it’s all come down to this. It’s my own damn fault, and I know it. I got myself into this sticky situation, and I thought I could play it by ear, but I couldn’t. Here I am, in the depths of this dark canal, and I can’t turn back....

Maybe You Should Get A Cat
By
Therapist Who Is Out Of Ideas

Well, you have me stumped. You are definitely the most messed-up patient I have, just looking at sheer quantity of problems. I’m fresh out of ideas. Let’s see, um, maybe you should get a cat. Yeah, that should do it. I’m looking at my list of...

Advisor

It’s Up To You
By
An Advisor Who Evidently Doesn't Understand What "Advisor" Means

Well, let’s see here. This is a toughie. You’ve really gotten yourself into a pickle here, huh? On one hand, this option means you take 25 credits this semester and probably lose touch with all of your loved ones in the process. On the other...