A worm on the ground.

I’m Just Looking For Love In The Big Apple 
By
A Little Worm

This is the story of how I found love in the Big Apple.  I’m just a hometown worm from the middle of butt-fuck nowhere Kentucky. I moved to a big apple after getting a promotion at work. I had my dream job and my dream life. But not my dream...

A group of girls taking a selfie.

Guys… It’s Time To BeReal 
By
A Girl That Hasn't Spoken One Word Since She Got Here

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  Do you little pieces of &^%$ know what fucking time it is? We’ve only got 2 minutes, biotches, so can everyone get it together and look like you’re having fun? Capeesh?  BeReal WOULD go off right now....

I’m The Michael Jordan Of Basketball
By
Tomas Cartaya

Ever since I joined the paper, people have said that I was basically Michael Jordan. They said, “You are to basketball what Michael Jordan was to basketball.” I’ve also been called the “Mozart of basketball,” the “Neil Armstrong of...

A man siphoning gas from a car.

UGH, BLUFFPLEH— I Can Explain
By
A Man Siphoning Gas From Your Car

Hey man—BLARG, ugh sweet Jesus that’s tart—this isn’t what it looks like. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit what it looks like. Yes, I’m sucking gas out of your Ford Focus, yes, those two gas cans next to me are full of gas I’ve already...