A sad-looking duck

Why Are You Being So Mean To Me?
By
A Lame Duck

Hey! What the hell, guys? Why on earth are you calling Congress and the president a “lame duck” right now? You think that’s funny? It’s actually pretty hurtful! I’ll have you know that I had my leg permanently damaged by a piece of...

¡Mierda!
By
A Guy Who Claimed Bilinguality On His Resume And Got The Job

I swear to God, man. On dios. I totally thought I had the skills for this. I made straight “A”s in Spanish for ALL of middle school and even some of high school. ¿Qué hora es? I can tell you what time it is all day long, man. ¿Cómo estás?...

I’ve Done It Before, And I’ll Do It Again
By
The Electoral College

Are you guys really this gullible? Are you going to keep falling for the “popular vote” schtick? FIVE times. Five times I have done this to you. And yet you still get all gung-ho about the “People’s President.” It’s like you all just...

I’m A Samantha
By
A Charlotte

Okay, hear me out. I know I’m a brunette, and I have a degree in art history, but I really think I’m a Samantha. “Sex and the City” is maybe my favorite show of all time, and Samantha is just so iconic. She kicks ass, takes names, fucks...

Did You Read That Article I Sent You?
By
Your Mom

Hi, sweetie, just checking in. I know you’re so busy, but I wish you would try to call me more. Anyways, I hope you had a good week. Oh, and now that I have you, did you read that article I sent you? The one about that study? I just can’t...

Man wearing mask making "thumbs up" sign

“Thank God For Mask Mandates”
By
Guy With Mouth Herpes

Thank you, Jesus. And I mean that honestly. I owe you big time, man. I’ve been lying awake at night hoping and praying for some miracle that would let me live a normal life again, and you figured that shit right out. This whole global pandemic...