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The Every Three Weekly
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Student Should Know Classmate’s Name By Now

Struggling as a classmate sat down next to him in an Org Studies 280...

  • Jan 27, 2017

Michelle Obama Tells Family To Do A ‘Once Over’ Before Leaving Executive Residence

Before leaving the White House for the last time, First Lady Michelle...

  • Jan 20, 2017

‘Don’t These Protestors Have Anything Better To Do?’ Asks Retired Woman Who Watches Eight Hours Of Television A Day

During a commercial break between segments of Fox and Friends, local...

  • Dec 2, 2016

Student Excited To Pursue Life’s Passion As Long As It Doesn’t Interfere With Social Life, Sleep Schedule, Lunch Plans

Scanning the course guide as she backpacked her classes for next...

  • Dec 2, 2016

‘Now Is The Time To Come Together,’ Says Man Not Endangered By Trump Presidency

In the wake of a historic election that has resulted in Donald Trump...

  • Nov 10, 2016

Murderer’s Dirty Texts Hotter Than Police Suspected

Following a yearlong investigation into the life of convicted...

  • Oct 14, 2016

October Perfect Time For Sweaters, Reporting Decomposing Bodies Found Under Piles Of Leaves

With the drop in temperatures signifying the arrival of Fall,...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Harbaugh Demands Traditional ‘Go Blue’ Banner Be Replaced With 20-Foot Brick Wall

In an effort to “boost morale” and “punish the body to reward...

  • Sep 10, 2016

Addition Of ‘lol’ Successfully Masks Bitchy Tone Of Text Message

Long’s texting strategy reportedly “saved her...

  • Sep 9, 2016

Switch to Canvas Projected To Be University’s Least Expensive Waste of Money

A report released by the University’s Annual Budget Committee...

  • Jul 8, 2016

Nation Disappointed in 21st Century’s Lack of Tube Infrastructure So Far

Stating that the current infrastructure was “underwhelming” and...

  • Jul 8, 2016

SeaWorld Promises to Release Florida Tourists Into Wild by 2018

Following years of activist complaints, social media campaigns, and...

  • Apr 8, 2016
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