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Student Should Know Classmate’s Name By Now

Struggling as a classmate sat down next to him in an Org Studies 280...

  • Jan 27, 2017

Nation’s Dimwits Announce Plans To Stand Close To Doorways During Peak Foot Traffic Hours

A coalition of America’s dimwits announced last Thursday that they...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Local Physician Reassures Dead Patient’s Family Members That ‘It Won’t Happen Again’

Stimson said he was annoyed that Keller “made such a big deal”...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Murderer’s Dirty Texts Hotter Than Police Suspected

Following a yearlong investigation into the life of convicted...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Harbaugh Demands Traditional ‘Go Blue’ Banner Be Replaced With 20-Foot Brick Wall

In an effort to “boost morale” and “punish the body to reward...

  • Sep 10, 2016

University Lauds Self For Number Of Useless Campus Resources

A new campus resource proudly displays its profound lack of...

  • Sep 9, 2016

Board Of Regents Sick Of Schlissel Blowing Up Their GroupMe

Schlissel has been known to like his own posts in the GroupMe. On...

  • Sep 9, 2016

Sophomore In Couzens Single Just Looking For Some Space Away From All The Friends He Has

Pictured: the residence hall where Bennett spends his time...

  • Sep 9, 2016

Area Man Frantically Searching For Hawaiian Shirt To Cultivate Laid-Back Vibe At Party

Sullivan (pictured) anxiously searching for the perfect relaxed darty...

  • Sep 9, 2016

‘I Have A Very Low Tolerance For Bullcrap,’ Says Professor For Whatever Reason

Professor Branson wants you to know in advance of any tests that he...

  • Sep 9, 2016

Report: Housemate Not Not Trying To Fuck Hot Neighbors

Said Haldeman,“I wouldn’t not smash some poon if one walked...

  • Sep 9, 2016

Nation Disappointed in 21st Century’s Lack of Tube Infrastructure So Far

Stating that the current infrastructure was “underwhelming” and...

  • Jul 8, 2016
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