According to a recent announcement from University Health Service, the free condoms provided by the clinic will now be exclusively available to attractive students. Attractive junior Josh Stevens told reporters, “it’s not fair that I go to UHS...

Having lost her Macbook Pro charger Wednesday evening while taking a quick bathroom break at the library, a University of Michigan freshman posted in the Class of 2022 Facebook group, making it clear that she does not understand how stealing works....

Sources indicate that Professor Betty Gardner’s flare in her Spanish 101 class has left students wanting less. “Professor Gardner is great. She’s so nice, and you can tell she loves her job,” stated Spanish 101 student John Davis....

Delineating an update to graduation requirements for all students in a recent campus wide email, the University of Michigan has announced that beginning next semester the race and ethnicity requirement would be waived for any and all students who...

Maintaining that there were no people by any other name, news broke on Tuesday that the class roster of English 465: Faulkner and the Ghosts of the South was comprised exclusively of women named Alison. “This happens from time to time,” said LSA...

After taking a few large tokes from a marijuana cigarette and taking in the ambiance of his friend’s Kerrytown apartment, local stoner Eric Benenson is reportedly loving the vibes he is picking up right now. “Wow, yeah I’m loving it in...

Choosing their own sanity and the rights of crowds of “impatient” passengers over “the life of one selfish prick who just has to make everyone late to class,” 37 University of Michigan bus drivers have signed a petition...