This past Monday, during the second session of Political Science 382, Professor Drake Matthews conducted an icebreaker asking his students to share their name, major, and favorite sex position. “I’ll start,” said Professor Matthews, after...

After a monotonous period of consistently passing the attendance sheet clockwise at the beginning of class, CLCIV 385 GSI Nancy Perkins has reportedly made a bold adjustment to the regular order of things. “Something had to change. I could tell...

Students attending GSI Rowan Marsden’s discussion for English 248 last Friday reportedly came to the conclusion that Marsden was “obviously a bottom.” According to students in Marsden’s section of the sophomore English course, the graduate...

Reports emerged last Tuesday that floundering LSA academic advisor Loretta Winsom suggested studying abroad, struggling to think of a single other piece of advice. “Have you considered studying abroad?” said Winsom. “I started talking about my...

Ross senior Jamie Parker recently announced plans to stay close to his girlfriend of three years, who will dump him two days after graduation. “We’ve been going strong ever since we met freshman year,” said Parker about his girlfriend, LSA...

After an increased concern in regards to the lack of recreational activities offered to students on campus, the University of Michigan has announced plans to replace the 162-year-old Forest Hill Cemetery with an 18-hole mini golf course. “The...

Local student of color Farhana Khan was reportedly comforted by the familiar microaggressions and prejudices of American society during her time on the other side of the world in Sydney, Australia. “I know I’m a long way from home, and I miss it...