LSA sophomore Jack Redding has reportedly been grappling with the decision to either wash his bed sheets today or sometime next year. “I probably should do it, but it just seems like so much effort,” said an indecisive Redding. “I’m sure...

Popular senior Ryan Stevens tested positive for coronavirus this morning but is confident that it was totally worth it. “Dude, I threw the most epic party the other night, but then I woke up yesterday and I couldn’t taste anything when I ripped...

Reports from across the country have concluded that teachers’ pets have adapted to the transition to Zoom classes by “abusing” the app’s chat function. Statistics have shown that remarks of ‘that is so interesting!’ ‘how are you...

Witnesses report that area skater Dylan Carter “ate absolute shit” on his longboard while skating through the University of Michigan Diag. Sources confirm that Carter, while attempting to execute a kickflip, missed his board entirely, and ate...

Multiple sources have reported that Adam Simpson, an economics major and sophomore in LSA, is still convinced that money is actually real. The delusional student’s thinking comes as a shock to many who are familiar with the field of economics....