Popular Kid Gets Coronavirus But In Cool Way

Popular senior Ryan Stevens tested positive for coronavirus this morning but is confident that it was totally worth it. “Dude, I threw the most epic party the other night, but then I woke up yesterday and I couldn’t taste anything when I ripped...

Skater Eats Shit In Middle Of Diag

Witnesses report that area skater Dylan Carter “ate absolute shit” on his longboard while skating through the University of Michigan Diag. Sources confirm that Carter, while attempting to execute a kickflip, missed his board entirely, and ate...

Deluded Econ Major Still Thinks Money Real

Multiple sources have reported that Adam Simpson, an economics major and sophomore in LSA, is still convinced that money is actually real. The delusional student’s thinking comes as a shock to many who are familiar with the field of economics....