Sources have confirmed that, last Saturday, Kinesiology junior Kara Bagnall was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder by a pink floral Instagram post.  The collection of photos, posted by the account @quirky_girls_wellness, began with a...

Commonly dubbed the “least interesting place to sit in the entire Nichols Arboretum,” the Eleanor R. Jenkins memorial bench has been plunged into local celebrity after being the site where sophomore Rebecca Bright and senior Matt Olsen...

Students throughout the University are reportedly feeling increasingly targeted by COVID spit test results that “seem to know a lot more than whether or not they have the virus.”  “I got my results back and it didn’t even say if I was...

Sophomore Jesse Burns has taken to letting the “trickle down method” take care of the dirty dishes accumulating in their house’s sink. “They talked about it in my econ lecture, and I was like, hey, cool, this is going to really make a dent...

University of Michigan President Mark Schlissel is reportedly “pretty sure” that people should be congratulating him for at least something at this point. “I’m sure I’ve done something worth congratulating if people would just take the...

Ross junior Michael Moren drafted a proposal yesterday formally asking sophomore Alexa Vann for a trade deal to waste 100 percent of her time in exchange for 0 percent equity. “Listen, babe,” Moren stated, before pulling up a PowerPoint...

This past Tuesday, the Ann Arbor Police Department allegedly received a notice from inmate Boris Lachlan stating that he is certain he was imprisoned in the wrong “Big House”. Lachlan was convicted of larceny in early April and sentenced to...