Following months of national protests, ExxonMobil has debuted their new racial justice campaign by spelling out “Black Lives Matter” in spilled oil off the coast of Louisiana. The company announced in an afternoon press conference that the four...

Following a recent study, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced on Monday that children’s skulls are “way too big” in comparison to the rest of their bodies. “By and large, we’ve got a bunch of kids who look like idiots...

Local 7-year-old Jimmy Welch used to dread family events because he knew they meant a wet, sloppy mouth kiss from his grandma. Now, with the fear of COVID-19 looming, he has become excited by the prospect. This past Tuesday, during a trip...

After seeing something truly unspeakable when his psychiatrist was administering a Rorschach inkblot test, local 25-year-old Jacob Kritz claimed he saw a butterfly instead. Kritz reportedly spent most of the test in a state of boredom until reaching...

Earlier this week, video footage surfaced of Portland police officerEric Sampson crying in solidarity with the protesters after teargas he had thrown at them was subsequently thrown back. The grainy cell phone footage of Officer Sampson shows him...

During a wild Friday night party at the Parishna Club, DJ Beats McBoogie asked everyone on the floor to put their hands in the air if they had any questions. “Are y’all having a good time out there? Are y’all ready for this?” asked...

International health officials are scrambling in an attempt at last-minute research into the development of a Sars-Cov-2 vaccine candidate after realizing the other countries wouldn’t do all the work for them. We admit that we were mostly waiting...