As awards season comes to a close, this year’s Oscars ceremony promises to deliver a fitting tribute to the best movies that came out in the past year and also Bohemian Rhapsody. This year’s Oscars comes after one of the most prolific years for...

Before attending a local house party this past Friday, 16-year-old Tim Harris ordered a babysitter for his 49-year-old father. “Preheat the oven at around eight because he usually likes to eat dinner a little later on Friday nights,” Tim said to...

Citing that the day he had been waiting for was almost upon him, sources reported on Tuesday that with the addition of 57 cents, James Beck’s change jar was almost filled to the fucking top, baby. “I’m ecstatic,” Beck told reporters of the...

Noting that there were no other conclusions that would suit all parties, sources reported early Thursday morning that a group of English 325 classmates have silently and unanimously decided to blame a recent fart on the ugly kid sitting in the...

Claiming that there comes a time for all legislation to be revised, area man Paul Dimakis has resolved to amend the five-second rule after dropping his last Little Bites brownie on his kitchen floor. “My predecessors devised the five-second rule...

Despite owning a four-year-old pug, the product of centuries of selective breeding and human manipulation, 60-year-old John Dennison has been clear that he feels morally opposed to gay marriage on the grounds that it is “just plain unnatural.”...

With the wealth gap becoming wider than ever over recent years, the nation’s dwindling middle class has reportedly been reduced to just Jeremy Smith of Allen Park, Michigan. After surveying the entire country, Jeremy was found to be the only...