On a trip to get a routine oil change, local woman Sarah Norris was informed by her mechanic that he had “just one more thing to suggest real quick.” Despite only having planned to perform a simple service on Norris’s 2005 Dodge Neon, mechanic...

Sources confirm that local woman April Patterson was seen hurrying around her apartment muttering “April showers, brings May flowers” repeatedly to herself while preparing for her first date with longtime crush May Brooks.  “I’d heard that...

Taylor Swift fans are reporting that “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)” is giving them “all the feels,” but those aforementioned “feels” are about their middle school ex-boyfriends. “I was really excited for Taylor to release her...

Local police detective John Thompson reported this week to colleagues that he “thought seen it all” until encountering his newest case: a quadruple homicide which some have described as “especially heinous.” Thompson’s statement...

Researchers at the University of Delaware announced this weekend the results of a three-year, multimillion dollar study which found a “statistically significant inverse relationship between a man’s skill at Microsoft Excel and cunnilingus.”...

In a Rose Garden speech on government ethics, President Joe Biden promised the American people that he would be “the most transparent president in history. Period.” The President made a point that his administration will be an “open book” as...

The lavender scented plush pig belonging to junior Paula Webster was reportedly not up to the task of soothing her latest Tuesday night meltdown. “My mom got me this to help me relax,” Webster commented, indicating the purple cuddle buddy,...