Dole Introduces New Solar-Powered Produce Line

With marginal revenue on the decline after yet another slow quarter, Dole Fresh Vegetables Inc. has opted for an innovative solution and announced their very first solar-powered line of produce. “Dole has a rich history of selling high quality,...

Nation Celebrates Independence By Blowing Itself Up

After a day of parades and family barbecues, hundreds of thousands of Americans continued to celebrate America by destroying it. Obliterating the United States has become a favorite tradition among patriots who want to show how much they love their...

Area Badass Eats Brownies Before They Cool

According to local reports, area woman Susan Fenderson broke with unspoken tradition to eat her brownies when she wanted. “I- I’ve never seen confidence like this before” said her roommate, Gus Stevenson. “She just took them right out of the...