Report: Impossible Burger Tastes Like Real Murder

Consumers of the Impossible Burger have confirmed that the soy-based patty tastes exactly like real murder. Numerous critics have dubbed the imitation burger as “indistinguishable” from actual meat from animals shoved into cages immediately...

Report: Plane Making Noises Again

Multiple passengers aboard American Airlines flight A320 from Detroit to New York have confirmed that the plane is making those noises again. “What the hell was that?” asked passenger Ronald Davis, after identifying a loud whirring sound shortly...

White Rapper Raps Fast

Area Caucasian rapper Yung Hoes’mad stunned fans last week by uploading yet another incredible video of him rapping at a quick speed to his Instagram profile. “He’s technically talented,” said Joe Hill, one of the 37 reluctant followers of...

Report: English Teacher Divorced Now

Following reports from multiple sources, it has been confirmed that high school English teacher Drew Powell is now divorced. Students visiting Scotch Hills Community High School over Thanksgiving break have discovered that Mr. Powell’s wife left...

All-Loving God Must Just Not Like Syria That Much

With tensions flaring up in Syria after Turkey’s incursion into the north of the country, it has been confirmed that the All-Loving God just doesn’t like Syria that much. “We must have faith that the Holy One loves all of His beautiful...