Dole Introduces New Solar-Powered Produce Line

With marginal revenue on the decline after yet another slow quarter, Dole Fresh Vegetables Inc. has opted for an innovative solution and announced their very first solar-powered line of produce. “Dole has a rich history of selling high quality,...

Area Badass Eats Brownies Before They Cool

According to local reports, area woman Susan Fenderson broke with unspoken tradition to eat her brownies when she wanted. “I- I’ve never seen confidence like this before” said her roommate, Gus Stevenson. “She just took them right out of the...

Homeless Charity Blows All Funds On Food And Shelter

Reports have come in indicating that the local chapter of the Salvation Army has allegedly “wasted” all its liquid capital on food and shelter, leaving it with no resources to complete its primary directives. Kris Wood, a leader of the Washtenaw...