Reports emerged late last Thursday that area woman Andrea Johnson’s date at the Pinball Pete’s arcade on South University St. “could be going worse, I guess.” Johnson, a self-described “grown woman,” reportedly shrugged and looked on...

Sources reported last Wednesday that the meaning of LSA senior Jason Spellman’s life would have to be questioned only after the completion of his upcoming Econ 440 midterm examination. Spellman, who “almost declared a Sociology major” before...

After sitting outside John F. Kennedy International Airport’s Gate 27 for almost three hours, American Airlines passenger Samuel Richman “can finally empathize with refugees.” “I mean look at this place,” said Richman, referring to the...

Last Sunday, as he crouched over their father’s carcass, a Kenyan lion contemplated whether or not it would be worth it to eat his two stepsons. The lion had just recently mauled his stepsons’ father, thus stepping into the role of the deceased....