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Local Business Celebrates Grand Re-Closing

Local clothing boutique Lavender Petals on Main Street celebrated its...

  • Feb 19, 2016

Vulnerable Student Exiting Mason Hall Decides To Give Blood, Run Half Marathon, Convert To Islam

On his way out of Mason Hall yesterday morning following a 10 A.M....

  • Nov 6, 2015

Delicate Balance of Spanish 231 Classroom Thrown Into Chaos by 1° Change in Temperature

Only days after the new semester began, students of Spanish 231...

  • Nov 6, 2015

‘College Isn’t Worth It’ Say Analysts Who Have Clearly Never Been Balls Deep In A Freshman

After employing extensive cost-benefit analysis, it was argued...

  • Nov 6, 2015

Ross Sophomore Unsure When To Mention Banking Aspirations To Project Group

BBA sophomore and aspiring investment banker Evan Kozek reported a...

  • Nov 6, 2015

Senior Citizens, Sorority Girls Most Likely to Gab Incessantly About How They Got Injured Last Week

While recovering from last week’s reportedly inexplicable slips,...

  • Nov 6, 2015

Angsty Conservative Teen Wishes He Had Never Been Given Life At Conception

Angry over his family’s noisy distractions from the evening’s...

  • Nov 6, 2015

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