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Weird Looking Person Disappoints With Normal Behavior

Reporting dissatisfaction that the oddly dressed young man she saw on...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Heroic Toddler Poops in Pool, Rescues Swim Team From Two-Hour Practice

In a selfless display of poor bowel control, 4-year-old local hero...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Conservative Economist Still Waiting For Father’s Love To Trickle Down

Sources close to Heritage Foundation research fellow Benjamin Kramer...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Man Growing Mustache Realizes He Can No Longer Buy Girl Scout Cookies, Lemonade from Neighborhood Stand

After growing a mustache, area man Kyle Sanders has reportedly come...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Hallmate Leaves Note Asking Couple To Be Louder Next Time

Following an hour of post-coital cuddling, RC sophomores Nicholas...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Adam Silver Lifts Ban on Defense for Playoffs

Upon the conclusion of the NBA regular season, NBA Commissioner Adam...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Study Shows Violent Video Games Desensitize Children To Dope Headshots

Supporting claims levied by parent groups for the past two decades,...

  • Apr 8, 2016

‘Excuse Me, Where Is The Ketchup?’ Asks Student With Strange Level Of Urgency

This past Thursday afternoon, those in line at Wild Fire in the South...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Area Man Going Way Too Hard On Elliptical

Sources at the CCRB reported yesterday that LSA junior Sam Lange...

  • Apr 8, 2016

All Of Professor’s Energy For Semester Channeled Into Distinction Between Correlation And Causation

Emphasizing that this may well be the most important point she makes...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Endearing Bar Decor Softens Shame Of Alcoholism

During a soft opening for the Pretzel Bell last Wednesday, bar owners...

  • Apr 8, 2016

Report: Peyton Manning Wandering Aimlessly Around Mansion Waiting to Masturbate Again

According to sources close to the situation, former NFL quarterback...

  • Apr 8, 2016
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