I Should’ve Learned To Code

My college career has been a waste. I have no future, no career prospects. My parents paid out-of-state tuition so I could chuckle to myself as I wrote jokes about Harbaugh and Greek Life. Looking back, I know I should’ve just been a computer science engineer instead.

See the farewells from Fritz and Aditya? Those lowly staff writers will be in Silicon Valley with stock options. I was their boss. I rewrote their articles. I told them what to do.

Meanwhile, I’ll be moving back home with my liberal arts degree and Co-Editor-in-Chief laurels, stopping at the unemployment line along the way. I hope you smiled half-heartedly when I handed you a paper in the Diag. It wasn’t worth it.

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