Avril Lavigne has confessed that she did not die and get replaced with a clone rumoured to be named Melissa, but she did fake the moon landing. A conspiracy theory has been circulating for several years that the real Avril Lavigne is actually...
Mothers across the nation are gearing up for the Thanksgiving holiday by preparing for their “time-honored tradition” of criticizing their daughters carb intake. Though Thanksgiving is usually celebrated as a time for gratitude and...
According to recent reports, students of Mrs. Smith’s second grade class are collecting swear words “as if they were Pokémon cards”. “I slipped by saying ‘ass’ the other day, and it was over,” commented Mrs. Smith “I don’t even...
Spokespeople for Men’s Wearhouse have announced that the retail chain will reduce its stock of “big, brawny, beefy men” for rental due to supply chain issues across America. “Due to supply chain issues, we’ve unfortunately decided to take...
Local woman Lisa O’Malley had suffered another paper cut two days ago and has now decided to amputate. After having to undergo care for multiple wounds in a one-week span, O’Malley just couldn’t take it anymore. “My recovery time for the...
After negotiations with the chain restaurant Red Lobster came to a standstill, the company’s team of Endless Shrimp went on strike this past Friday by walking off plates and out of the building. “Scampi or coconut, we’re all tired of the...
Researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) released a study this week that concluded making sustained eye contact is “not the most effective way to seduce a total stranger,” contrary to popular belief. The NIH conducted the study on...