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Dad Congratulates Econ Major Daughter On Basketball Team’s Performance This Year

Weinstein is excited to see how far his daughter advances in next...

  • Apr 13, 2018

Line For Pizza House Made Up Entirely Of Jilted, Forsaken Lovers

Stating that every last patron had attempted to flirt with someone...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Public Safety Officials Angered By President Schlissel’s Leprechaun Traps

A campus-wide security alert was released last week following a...

  • Mar 19, 2017

CSG Candidate Praises Girlfriend For Remaining Steadfast During Heated Election Cycle

During a recent stump speech in the Rogel Ballroom of the Union,...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Chem GSI Claiming To Be Laid Back Won’t Even Let You Huff The Acid

Sophomore Katie Barnes recently reported that her Chem 216 GSI, Craig...

  • Feb 17, 2017

Student Body Announces Plans To Make It Up On The Final

Following a string of exceptionally difficult anthropology, physics,...

  • Feb 17, 2017

Student To Graduate Without Taking Any Classes In Area Of Passion

Shortly after completing his senior audit at an advising appointment,...

  • Feb 17, 2017

Friends Agree Dinner Party Would Theoretically Someday Be Fun Thing To Do

Calling it an “amazing concept” and “definitely something to...

  • Feb 17, 2017

Student Fitness Survey Finds Walk To CCRB ‘Too Long’

Findings from the University of Michigan’s annual Student Fitness...

  • Feb 17, 2017

Horrified Nation Realizes It Only One Week Into This Thing

Reflecting on a tumultuous first few days of policies enacted by the...

  • Jan 27, 2017

Housemate Wondering If Dildo In Bathroom Is Communal

Holding the sex toy up for everyone in the room to see, local...

  • Jan 27, 2017

Man Ruins Anniversary Present With Personal Touch

In what sources described as an otherwise perfect anniversary...

  • Jan 27, 2017
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