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University Celebrates 200th Year Of Celebrating University

In what University representatives claim will be a “spirited and...

  • Apr 7, 2017

President Schlissel Sends Email Urging Student Body To ‘Check Out All The Sweet Dinosaurs’ At Natural History Museum

The email, titled “A Message to Students Regarding the Cool...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Student Shocked To Find Herself President Of Least Favorite Club

According to other members of the community service group, students...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Campus Finally Warm Enough For Crying Outside

“It’s so dark and cold year round,” said student Teddy Dougert...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Student’s Opinion Of Israeli- Palestinian Conflict Determined By Who Selling Food In Diag

According to various sources, in the span of just two weeks, LSA...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Notebook Ruined By Writing Inside Of It

Stating that the book was otherwise perfect, sources confirmed last...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Study Links Reckless Spending, Having Awesome Stuff

According to a recently released study, evidence suggests a strong...

  • Apr 7, 2017

First Easter Without Grandma To Feature Welcome Lack Of Jesus Stuff

Realizing that there were no plans to attend Palm Sunday mass and...

  • Apr 7, 2017

‘Bad Day To Be A Fish,’ Reports Back Of Uncle’s T-Shirt

Issuing a warning to any and all fish in the area, a statement...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Unclear Why Dance Team Needs Funding

Upon spotting the group at a bake sale table in Mason Hall, multiple...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Least Essential Member Of Friend Group Pulls Chair Up To Booth

Sources report that Bishop spent most of the evening straining from...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Report: Michelle Just Had Passionate Anal Sex In Her Childhood Bedroom

Local daughter and all-around good girl Michelle Williams invited...

  • Apr 7, 2017
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