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Tony Romo Now Highest-Paid Worst Quarterback in NFL History

ARLINGTON, Tex. – Tony Romo, who recently signed a six-year,...

  • Apr 22, 2013

Study Finds Merciless Taunting Pretty Effective Solution to Childhood Obesity: Rates of Crying, Metabolism Soar in Response to Public Humiliation

THE BLACKTOP – A study from the Centers for Disease Control and...

  • Apr 22, 2013

MTV Mourns Fact that Reality Star Died Off-Camera

WEST VIRGINIA – At a press conference following the accidental...

  • Apr 22, 2013

Mom Activist Group Makes Breakfast in Bed for Ugandan Child Soldiers

‘BED,’ UGANDA – Calling Lord’s Resistance Army leader Joseph...

  • Apr 22, 2013

Sixth Season of ‘Jon Hamm’s Wang’ Full of Throbbing Drama, Critics Say

Just three episodes into its sixth season, AMC’s hit series Jon...

  • Apr 22, 2013

In Oddly Personal Hearing, Supreme Court Justices Seek to Learn What Exactly Makes One Gay

 Asking For a Friend, Justices Swear WASHINGTON – In a follow-up...

  • Apr 22, 2013

Area Man Describes New Girlfriend’s Predatory Tendencies as ‘Cute’

ROMULUS, Mich. – Volunteer firefighter Shane Osgood reports that...

  • Apr 22, 2013

BP Starts Corporate Image Cleanup Initiative: Goal Is to Remove 100% of Corporate Malfeasance from News by 2016

In an effort to halt the ceaseless flow of bad press from seeping...

  • Apr 22, 2013

New Drug Promises to Treat Parents’ Anxiety Over Children’s ADHD Medication

A consortium of the world’s leading drug companies announced...

  • Apr 22, 2013

2013 ‘Rotten Apple’ Winner Delivers Honorary ‘First Lecture’ on Content Relevant to Class Exam

Professor Ross Clark was awarded the 2013 Rotten Apple Award shortly...

  • Apr 22, 2013

Student Who Recently Turned 21 Suddenly Blessed With Expert Knowledge of Craft Beers

DEFINITELY NOT RICK’S – Despite celebrating his 21st birthday...

  • Apr 22, 2013

New School of Information Major First U-M Program to Convey Information

UM, WE’RE NOT TOO GOOD WITH THE GEOGRAPHY – Following the...

  • Apr 22, 2013
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