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Every Three Weekly

National

Brady Family Wondering Why They On Zoom Call When They All Live In Same House

  • Apr 6, 2021
Everton’s lack of traffic was reportedly “not not because of the three roundabouts."
National

Small Town Has Three Roundabouts Despite Zero Traffic

Local residents have recently reported that the small town of Everton, Michigan has “three roundabouts despite zero vehicular traffic.” With a population of 4,784,Everton is most known for its...

  • Apr 6, 2021
A photo of Mitch McConnell next to a photo of a treehouse.
The party has committed to advocating for log cabin values in a jungle gym country
National

GOP Rebrands As Party Of Those Who Grew Up With Treehouses

The United States GOP sent shockwaves across the media this weekend with their announcement that they are implementing a rebrand, now under the moniker, “The Party of Those Who GrewUp With...

  • Apr 6, 2021
A screencap from the film Nomadland.
The film has been lauded for its heartfelt portrayal of living in poverty in the world’s wealthiest nation.
National

‘Nomadland’ Brilliantly Depicts American Dream Of Being Homeless And In A Movie

Reports out of Hollywood confirm that Nomadland, an independent film depicting the modern day nomadic experience of a woman who lost everything during the Great Recession, has been lauded by critics...

  • Apr 6, 2021
A woman at the grocery store with a baby.
Abernathy was dismayed to learn that Simon no longer spent her free time playing hacky-sack.
Campus

Cool Camp Counselor Boring Adult Now

LSA junior Lauren Abernathy was shocked this week to find out that the cool counselor she had at her childhood summer camp has now aged into another boring adult. Abernathy was first confronted with...

  • Apr 6, 2021
Naismith has also been known to restart songs after “missing the cool guitar part.”
Campus

Man Rewinds Show 10 Seconds Because He “Missed That Part”

Reports confirm that local Netflix watcher, Mitch Naismith, has rewinded the same 10-second sequence in the latest episode of Criminal Minds after missing what he presumed to be a key detail....

  • Apr 6, 2021
The military stands outside President Schlissel's house.
The University has also reportedly booked Jeff Bezos for a future series on ethical business practices.
Campus

U.S. Military Occupies The University of Michigan In New Pro-Democracy Lecture Series

The United States Military has occupied the University of Michigan as part of their decades-long pro-democracy lecture series. General Robert Williams has cited the series as “necessary to the...

  • Apr 6, 2021
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