Every Three Weekly

Mark Schlissel edited to holding container of Viagra while standing at podium

Schlissel reported feeling grateful for the medicine's FDA approval.

Mark Schlissel Reveals Pfizer Innovations Played Major Role In Campus COVID Decisions

Former President Mark Schlissel revealed that Pfizer’s scientific innovations, namely, the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra, played a major role in his decisions related to the University of...

Said the disgraced former president, “what’s with this ‘cancel culture’? You can’t even fuck your own subordinates anymore?”

Schlissel Fired For Being Horny On Main

This Saturday, the University of Michigan received unexpected news when the Board of Regents announced they were firing President Mark Schlissel for being horny on main. On January 15, the...

A man sitting on the couch on his phone.

Friend Not High, Just Boring

A man with his arms crossed on a waterslide.

Flanster’s last words, friends and family assume, were “wheeeee!”

Dead Man With Arms Crossed In Casket Must Have Died On Waterslide

Family of the recently deceased Eugene Flanster were surprised to notice the patriarch’s arms crossed in the casket and now believe he must have passed away on a waterslide. Visiting family...

Players were seen making deadpan looks at the camera like Jim from The Office.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Asks Teams To Take Silly NFL Playoff Picture

In preparation for the end of the season, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has asked teams to pose for a silly NFL playoff picture. The commissioner reportedly directed the Los Angeles Rams and...

The fetish community was reportedly not turned off by the footnotes wearing sneakers.

Footnotes Declared “Sexiest Annotation Method” By Fetish Community

The American Fetish Society released a statement this week that the citation style known as “footnotes” are officially considered the “sexiest annotation method.” The statement shocked...

The floss was later seen throwing a tantrum at dinner and being a general rascal.

Naughty Floss Flicks Little Pieces Of Food Onto Mirror

Sources are confirming a “naughty little strand of floss” flicked small pieces of food onto the mirror while being used to clean out area woman Charlotte Reagan’s teeth. Sources confirm...