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University Celebrates 200th Year Of Celebrating University

In what University representatives claim will be a “spirited and...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Student Shocked To Find Herself President Of Least Favorite Club

According to other members of the community service group, students...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Report: Human Trafficking Makes Jenna Sad

Citing the numerous articles and videos she has recently seen on her...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Man Hopes Problems Bad Enough To Keep Therapist Interested

Area man Jacob Ridenour reportedly spent the majority of his fifty...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Conservative Grandmother Expecting Love Like Some Kind Of Handout

Local grandmother and ideological conservative Helen Norman...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Biologists Claim Most Extinct Species Not Worth Keeping Around Anyway

According to the paper, “99.9 percent” of all species that have...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Friend Uses Word ‘Dank’ As If Everyone Just Going To Let That Slide

Local man Aaron Kaiser referred to a recent party as “dank” while...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Newly Engaged Couple Planning Summer Divorce

Following a large ceremony on the beach in California, newlyweds Josh...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Senior Waiting Until Graduation Day To Decline All Venmo Requests

“For a while I was just waiting for my paycheck to post, but then...

  • Apr 7, 2017

I Do Not Know What The Provost Does And I Am Afraid To Ask

I have been here at the University of Michigan for three years now,...

  • Apr 7, 2017

You Know, I Could Die In The Next Four Years, Too

I’ve been noticing a lot of people lamenting the possibility of my...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Line For Pizza House Made Up Entirely Of Jilted, Forsaken Lovers

Stating that every last patron had attempted to flirt with someone...

  • Mar 19, 2017
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