Hello, it’s me: the man who peed on the paper that is now in your hands. Yes, this exact paper. No, this is not a metaphor. My literal pee. Your literal hands. Touching.
How did I pee on this particular paper? Very good question, especially since The Every Three Weekly produces thousands of copies per cycle. It would seem illogical that I could have the time—and the urine—to pee, individually on every single copy. But I assure you: I have peed on this paper, and every other paper in this particular cycle. I did this because I love you. Goodbye forever.