My Senior Thing

If this image is good enough for my official WhatsApp profile, it’s good enough for the world—ahh, I mean the Every Three Weekly!

My fingers are too long… This was suggested to me as the title of a poem about unrequited love when I shared in our last meeting that I was too burned out to have any truly good ideas. Unfortunately, I haven’t actually gotten around to writing the poem…

I wish I’d spent more time hitting on people and doing funny stuff and less time on homework for classes that I dropped on the last day of a semester. If you see me on a dating app—too late, I’ve already moved out! HA! You can’t bask in my fame and glory. (I mean, I can’t either, but still)

Unpublished headlines of mine include “Flying Squirrels Sign Petition Demanding Feathers”, “Swiss Alps to be Popular Snorkeling Destination by 2050”, “Report: Friend Either Dead or Just Ghosting You”, “Elon Musk Was a Billionaire at Age 3 and Look at You, You Absolute Idiot” and “Married Man With 2 Kids And A House Turning 11 This February 29th.”

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