I’m The Michael Jordan Of Basketball

Ever since I joined the paper, people have said that I was basically Michael Jordan. They said, “You are to basketball what Michael Jordan was to basketball.” I’ve also been called the “Mozart of basketball,” the “Neil Armstrong of basketball,” and the “Andrew Garfield of basketball.” I can see the comparisons. I’ve dribbled before, swished a couple 3’s, can dribble through my legs, revolutionized the game, and made basketball more popular worldwide. I led the Chicago Bulls to 4 straight titles, but no one else from that era is currently alive.

I’m basically the Picasso of painting, but for basketball, and instead of Picasso, it’s Michael Jordan. My Cartaya 1’s shoe deal has sold over one pair, just like Jordan. I was both vilified and praised by the press, so I became the press. I’ve dunked from the free throw line, but it was the OTHER free throw line, nearly 70 feet away. Very Jordan-esque.

They actually asked me to be on “Space Jam” and “Space Jam: A New Legacy.” They wanted to make it like a Star Wars-type movie series, but Jordan quit on them too. I actually beat the Monstars without any Looney Tunes’ characters’ help before those movies came out. They wanted Jordan to play ME in “Space Jam.” I would have gladly starred in my own dunk-tastic movie about my Hall Of Fame career if I wasn’t working on this paper. Thanks, guys. Killed a generational talent. Was it worth it?

Related News