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Every Three Weekly

Picture of a woman apparently choking and attempting to drink a glass of water.
National

Friend With Peanut Allergy Bitching About Throat Again

According to recent reports from friends of Lucy Bonner, the peanut-allergic woman was “bitching about her throat again” following an alleged encounter with a Reese’s cup.  ...

  • Apr 15, 2022
Image of a guy named bill being consoled on a couch by a therapist.
Ward was reportedly confused when he saw Twitter’s trending topics page telling him, personally, not to say “gay.”
National

Bill Unsure Why Everyone Telling Him Not To Say Gay

Local man Bill Ward is reportedly unsure why everyone is saying “don’t say gay, Bill.” Ward was reportedly confused after hearing seeing “DON’T SAY GAY BILL” in the news. “I mean, I...

  • Apr 15, 2022
Sign that reads "Welcome to Kalamazoo"
The statement prompted copycat announcements from the founders of Ypsilanti and Zilwaukee, Michigan.
National

Founder Of Kalamazoo Admits He “Just Kidding” With Town Name

Kalamazoo, a mid-sized city in southwest Michigan founded in the 19th century, was recently revealed in a journal from one of the town’s founders, Titus Bronson, to just be named as a joke. Bronson...

  • Apr 15, 2022
A mailman is sorting through the mail and looking for stamps.
USPS also claimed they don’t know why people write the address on the letter when “we already have every address”.
National

Postal Service Admits They Not Sure How Stamps Work

In a recent press release, The United States Postal Service announced that they have no idea how stamps work. Despite being how letters have been sent for centuries, the Federal Agency announced...

  • Apr 15, 2022
Victor Frankenstein standing next to summer body
National

“I Guess It’s Time To Start Working On My Summer Body,” Reports Victor Frankenstein

  • Apr 13, 2022
Oat Milk sitting in a fancy high rise with a fancy moustache and monocle
Economists think that oat and soy milk have suffered most from this inequality.
National

1% Milk Owns 63% Of Stocks

Stock market researchers have released a study showing that the top 1% milk owns over 63% of publicly traded stocks on the market. The nation’s citizens most rich in calcium also are the...

  • Apr 13, 2022
sad man
Dumpey tried to laugh when he dropped a plate on the floor, but stopped after realizing it was more sad than humorous.
National

“My Life Is A Joke,” Says Man Whose Life So Sad It Not Even Funny

Freelance Costco free sample critic Shawn Dumpey came to the realization that his life was “a sad, sad joke” upon slipping on a banana peel early Wednesday morning and injuring himself. The...

  • Apr 13, 2022
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