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University Celebrates 200th Year Of Celebrating University

In what University representatives claim will be a “spirited and...

  • Apr 7, 2017

President Schlissel Sends Email Urging Student Body To ‘Check Out All The Sweet Dinosaurs’ At Natural History Museum

The email, titled “A Message to Students Regarding the Cool...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Student’s Procrastination Spills Into Stuff He Actually Enjoys

Sources confirmed today that LSA student and procrastinator Mark...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Student Shocked To Find Herself President Of Least Favorite Club

According to other members of the community service group, students...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Campus Finally Warm Enough For Crying Outside

“It’s so dark and cold year round,” said student Teddy Dougert...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Report: Human Trafficking Makes Jenna Sad

Citing the numerous articles and videos she has recently seen on her...

  • Apr 7, 2017

‘She Was The Lin-Manuel Miranda Of Feminist Tirades, Grandma Jokes, And Sending Drunk Messages To The GroupMe,’ They’ll Say

How could I possibly condense the affection I have for each of my...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Man Looks Up At Tall Building He Arriving At For Interview With Dream Company

  • Apr 7, 2017

Man Hopes Problems Bad Enough To Keep Therapist Interested

Area man Jacob Ridenour reportedly spent the majority of his fifty...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Multiple Puppy Bowl Contestants Test Pawsitive For Performance-Enhancing Hugs

During my time as an editor, I have been constantly humbled by how...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Conservative Grandmother Expecting Love Like Some Kind Of Handout

Local grandmother and ideological conservative Helen Norman...

  • Apr 7, 2017

Tourist Visiting Niagara Falls Disappointed By How Dry He Remained

“I guess I just thought I was going to really get doused,” said...

  • Apr 7, 2017
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