I Thought You Guys Were Being Serious

So, I just found out that the Every Three Weekly is supposed to be a satire newspaper. I don’t know what to say. I’ve been writing for this paper since my freshman year, yet I was never informed about this?

When I read my first issue of the Every Three Weekly, I was floored by the quality and journalistic integrity of articles like Roommates Shake Things Up In South Quad With Unexpected Mid-Year Trundle, and Four-Minute Speech By Graduating Plant Biology Major Unfortunately To Be Best Part Of Winter Commencement. “How admirable,” I thought to myself. “An honest paper that tells it like it is.”

When I was accepted, I felt so proud. I called my family and friends just to tell them. Imagine my incredulity, right before graduating, to learn that it was all a lie. Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?

I can’t believe that over the four and a half years I spent on this paper, not one person clued me in. No one. What the fuck, guys?

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