Every Pitch Is Something I Would Say To Relieve The Tension At The Assassination Of JFK

Every time I began brainstorming for an Every Three Weekly pitch meeting I’d think about what I would say to relieve the tension at the assassination of John F. Kennedy” or WWISTRTTATAOJFK.

I can’t imagine a more tense silence than the silence after JFK is shot. Allow me to set the scene. JFK is coming to town. A lineup of 1960’s housewives who are trapped in shitty marriages await his arrival like thirteen-year-olds awaiting 1D in 2012. Something goes boom. Then word slowly spreads that the boom was JFK getting shot, and everyone is stunned silent.

Now maybe I’m just a certain breed of awkward, given my history of nervously laughing at funerals, but I can guess precisely how I would’ve acted in that situation. My clan of 1960’s housewives and I overhear the news. Stunned silence ensues, so I naturally cut the tension with an, “Ope, well this is awkward.”

Then, presumably, no one helps me in keeping the silence broken. This gives me the green light to go into a full-fledged stand-up act. This would start with a few relevant comments like, “How tragic, I wonder if it was rectum cancer that got him in the end?” and then I’d wink and smile at an imaginary camera.

Once I run out of the JFK-related tension relief comments I’d go into my Every Three Weekly pitches. These are just comments that’d make the editors say, “Megan, why.” In summary, if you have laughed at any of the articles I’ve written, just know that you’re the type of person who would have laughed during the assassination of JFK.

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