Like I don’t even understand why it’s a big deal right? I’m SORRY. I didn’t want to go through some stupidly complicated process where I had to connect to M-set up and then type in my UM ID and then do two-factor authentication and then sell my brother to Somalian pirates. Like who the fuck has time for that? I have better things to do like doom scroll on TikTok or procrastinate on homework.
I’m sorry all you sheeple just decided to fucking listen to whatever the university told you to do. If I’ve learned anything in my four years here, it’s that the University of Michigan is kind of stupid. Remember when we got hacked? Yeah, I bet you do because all your information got leaked to North Korea or Ohio State or something. Well guess what… mine probably didn’t because I never connected to MWireless. I’m not positive how hacking works but I’m pretty sure I’m right on this one.
Have you guys even ever tried MGuest? It’s kinda great, you just have to sign in and agree to the terms of service, and BOOM high-speed internet right at your fingertips. You know when MWireless is a bit slow because too many people are connected at once? Never had that once on MGuest because nobody is ever on it except me. It’s truly one of the greatest inventions of our time.
Why am I telling you all this you ask? Well, my time at this University has come to a close and I want to impart my knowledge on future generations. So, you there reading this… Yes, you. You’re literally the only person who got this far, everyone else read the title and moved on. Anyway, you are the chosen one to continue my legacy. I bestow you with this knowledge and fully trust you’ll continue the tradition.
Now the vast majority of people have made the unfortunate decision to use MWireless. I met several of them through this paper. They have some redeeming qualities like being funny and (mostly) not smelling bad. I’ve enjoyed my single year here at the Every Three Weekly immensely and only there would I be allowed to publish this insane rant for the world to see.
