To That Young Man Who Was Reading ‘The Every Three Weekly’ In West Quad That One Time

Hey, bud. I’m not sure who you are, where you’re from, or what you do, but I want you to know one thing; I saw you that one time you were reading The Every Three Weekly in the West Quad Cafeteria a couple months ago. And you were laughing! And that was one of the best moments of my semester.

You didn’t see me—I was posted up at one of those long tables, the ones on the side of the cafeteria where they serve the desserts. And just as I was finishing up my chicken enchiladas, I happened to notice you reading the paper, giggling about something. I’m assuming you were reading one of my articles, which have consistently been a riot, but it really could have been any of the staff’s pieces…they’re all great writers and people.

I’ve been on the paper for all four years and am confident that the current crop of satirists named in the staff box is both the largest and funniest that the Union’s Fourth Floor Conference Room has ever seen.

I’ve passed out issues on the Diag and have met some students who love the paper. It was new for me, however, to actually see someone reading it. To actually witness a living, breathing human voluntarily look at The Every Three Weekly, rather than just begrudgingly accept it from my hands during our distro sessions. I want you to know that I wrote those articles for you. Mostly for myself and to be able to vent about pretentious cocksuckingmotherfucking douches and/or horribly inappropriate thoughts that I could never tell to anyone personally. But also for you. And your experience reading the paper is something that I always hoped happened.

The E3W has provided me with countless hours of laughter, enjoyment, and valuable experience; in fact, for a while now, Editor of School Newspaper has remained proudly displayed on my resume (let’s face it; between us, The Review [which does exist], The Daily, and—Jesus—The Gargoyle, I think that’s a fair description of what our publication is). Of all the memories I’ve gained from the paper, however, watching you read our work will always have a special place in my heart. xoxo.

Originally published April 2014

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