A Letter To Freshman Me From Senior Me

Dear me,

You’re probably filling out your Every Three Weekly application! Good for you. Save your energy though, because you won’t be accepted onto the paper until your senior year.

Listen, little one, you just haven’t gone through enough trauma yet to be a decent comedy writer. You haven’t had your first heartbreak, failed your first exam, and your beloved childhood cat is still alive. Give her an extra squeeze while you can.

You’ll have to wait until senior year to join this paper, at which point your parents will finally be proud of you (they will think you write for The Daily, don’t correct them).

Hold tight, spring chicken, and you’ll get to spend time in a room with the best and brightest brains on campus. And Brendan Dewley.

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