If you’re reading this, I can only assume you’re on a devout internet search using my namesake. If I’m not famous yet then odds are you’ve came across an online relic of my time as a nefariously niche campus micro-celebrity, this included. Yeah, you see in my time here I’ve created a moderate amount of content on the World Wide Web. Like enough for you to definitely find it if you search “Karis Clark” and go to the second page of Google….Okay, fine. Maybe the third. My point is, starry-eyed unidentified stalker, future potential employer, curious fellow crush of 20, 30, 40? years of age, or whomever else is looking me up and subsequently stumbling across this webpage circa April 2023, during my four years at the University of Michigan, unfettered by the tepid virtualizing consequences of Covid, I cultivated a relatively small but all-the-while considerable amount of web pages with my presence. Being a creative can call for you to do cooky things. From a flurry of flaming school newspaper pieces to a cacophony of stupefying cameos
in student films, I feel like these four years alone have done a lot for my digital destiny. Some might even say I’m jeopardizing my digital footprint…
Actually, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
Let’s say the categories are Threekly articles, Sophomore Year Soundcloud links, The Michigan Daily pieces, Hopwood, High School, and Harry Potter forums, and Miscellaneous.
What’s that? You’ll take Sophomore Year Soundcloud for 100. Okay…
A: The number of how many Soundcloud songs uploaded my sophomore year have I since not removed in shame.
Q: What is… zero?
Nice job! What’s that? Michigan Daily articles for 200? Alrighty then….
A: Which Michigan in Color articles of mine might seriously hurt my career options?
Q: What is…literally of all of them?
Woah, you did it again! Okay…let’s get down to business now…you’ll take Threekly articles for 300? Okay…
A: How many The Every Three Weekly articles did I publish in my time here?
Q: What is…upwards of two hundred and fifty six… thousand?
That is…correct! Yup, rumor has it, I set a record, not just for being late, blessed and showing up high(ly favored) to every meeting.
Wow, you’re on a roll let’s hear another. Threekly articles for 400. Woah there, pal.
A: Out of the thousands of articles Karis Clark wrote what some of his most classic were….
Q: What is…Dam Builders Announce New Streaming Service (was always a whiz at the wordplay), It Unclear If Graduating Senior Sentimental Or Just Annoying (definitely feeling this one at the moment), and Ann Arbor Decriminalization of Magic Shrooms Prompts Unprecedented Surge In Vibes (this one isn’t even satire, it’s so real).
Wow, you’re killing it. Another one? Threekly for 100?
A: Karis’ Every Three Weekly “crush” is…
Q: What is…Having the outstanding orange soda 3/4 through the month, every month as a little treat.
Man, you’re on fire. Okay, final one. Threekly for 500.
A: What is the meaning behind the age-old adage “when Karis applied, he lied…”
Q: What is…okay, so basically when I first applied to The Every Three Weekly I was sooooo scared of my satire pitches being bad so I sent it in a faulty link that would not open so they’d have to message me and ask why, thus, buying me more time and then Editor-in-Chief at the time Ethan Szlezinger responded to me stating, “Hi Karis, For some reason, we aren’t able to open your application. Please save it as a PDF and send it to threeweeks@umich.edu. Thanks very much!, The Editors of The Every Three Weekly.” And I was so grateful, but they also extended the deadline anyway so I did all that trickery and deception for nothing, but it’s okay because I made it in anyway and it was the first club I made it into and I’m grateful and it’s been so real and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
