If you’re a regular reader of this paper or even one of the editors, you may be wondering, “Who the hell is this broad?” Well, I only became a staff writer this semester, making it my first and last semester with the paper. See, I discovered that joining clubs your senior year gets you all the recognition without any of the hard work.
Employers are always looking for interesting extracurriculars, so I went to Winterfest, determined to join as many clubs as possible. Since being added to 73 email lists, my account has become completely unusable. But, I’ve never felt so involved.
It’s been a bit difficult to manage so many different clubs at once. Especially the ones that contradict each other. Being a part of the squirrel feeding club, the anti-squirrel feeding club, and the anti-anti-squirrel feeding club sparked some controversy.
The biggest downside to this life hack, though, is having to say goodbye to cool people that you were just getting to know. My brief stint as a writer for this paper introduced me to the funniest people on campus, and I’ll miss hearing their monday night pitches, racking up $80 worth of gift cards at trivia night, and being sent on a quest for a DVD of Michael Mann’s Thief and a shirtless pic of Mark Wahlberg. I’m not nearly as talented as the rest of them, but nobody reading my resume will know that.
With my 16-page-long resume, listing over 50 extracurriculars, I am ready to enter the job market. I’m running out of room in my apartment for all the senior gifts I’ve received, and I have 25 different senior send off parties to get to this weekend. So, instead of working hard for four years like all these other losers, consider swooping in at the last minute to take all the credit and the rewards. See ya, chumps!
