When I first started writing for The Every Three Weekly, I could never have anticipated the many ways that this experience would fundamentally alter the way I approach my day to day procedures. Although corny it may sound, joining this paper...

I’ve been “Photoshopping” for this paper for four years. The burden of witnessing all that goes on behind the E3W’s printing presses has barred me from academic, professional, and even romantic endeavors. As I bid farewell to...

During my time on this paper, lots of information has been spread about my actions/decisions as an editor and about my character overall. I would like to use my senior farewell to address these allegations and set the record straight. First and...

 COVID vaccine  5G real and verifiable  top secret government mind control.  Space lasers proven to be effective  forest fires.  Congress is a front  lizard people run the government.   Jet fuel can’t  just kidding. Or am I?  Every...

The Oxford Comma You will always use the Oxford Comma. There is never a reason not to use the Oxford Comma. It will always be used. If you do not use it, I will know. This is important. I will live on through the Oxford Comma. I would be happy to go...

When I first joined the paper three years ago, I thought I had struck gold in terms of finding my niche here on campus. Little did I know I had actually struck it rich in the form of thy sweet, sweet $14 trillion endowment.  It started out as a...

Like many, I discovered the University of Michigan’s esteemed satire publication entirely by accident. Desperate for escape from all the sex clubs I mistakenly signed up for at my freshman-year Festifall, by the second week of September 2016 I was...