One thing they never tell you when you get to be a designer for The Every Three Weekly is how needy these editors are with direct communication. I mean honestly, before COVID, they actually made us come in person every 3 weeks to digitally give us a list of items to be photoshopped. Everyone with an office job can relate that some meetings are not necessary and could have been resolved in an email (though I did miss out on seeing a previous editor get waterboarded). Even when we moved virtually onto Zoom, they expected me to show up, as if I needed to be present for the awkward silences, boring deliberations, and the monotonous excuses for “drama” that happen in these editors’ lives.
And these editors don’t even have the decency to let me do my job and leave; I’m the type of guy that wants to read the requests, open up Microsoft Paint, and upload the .JPEG file to the Dropbox. But no, instead I get called out constantly for pulling an “Irish Goodbye,” when I want to get back to pretending like I have a job in my future (if you are interested in a film major with skills in Adobe, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I would very much like a job).
Speaking of the editors— I have no idea what their names are. I barely got around to learning the previous editors’ names (mainly to use as references), as I only met with them on a—you guessed it—three weekly basis. I only know Ben’s name because I had to learn how to format photos for our print articles. And I understand that the quarantine has prevented bonding through regular meetings and social events, but trust me, when you hear the same 4 jokes about a thoroughly covered event on campus, it gets hard to distinguish them.
But real talk, I am grateful to have dedicated 2-and-a-half years on behalf of the Sacred Mug and Rag, and would very much stress hiring me (my website is teekay.myportfolio.com).